The theory of the cycle of violence was developed by Dr. Lenore Walker. It has three distinct
phases which are generally present in a violent relationship:
Tension Building Phase
Violent Episode Phase
Kind and Loving Phase
Outlined below are typical feelings and behaviors exhibited by family members in the various
phases of the cycle of violence.
Nurturing, compliant, accepting, works to diffuse partner’s anger and frustration, may
verbally express own anger feelings or may use alcohol and / or drugs to avoid situation.
Partner feels:
Tense, frustrated, disgusted, self-righteous or jealous.
BEHAVIOR:
Verbally abusive, fits of anger, silent, controlling, drug and alcohol usage,
possessive, demanding or irritable.
Children feel:
Afraid, tense, angry at Mom for not “fixing” partner or confused.
BEHAVIOR:
Side with one or the other parent, hide, deny or try to distract.
Phase Two: Violent Episode
Woman feels:
Frightened, trapped, helpless or numb.
BEHAVIOR:
May try to protect self, hit back or submit helplessly, may try to get away or seek
help, may feign unconsciousness.
Partner feels:
Angry, enraged disgusted self-righteous, jealous, or frustrated.
BEHAVIOR:
Dangerously violent, deliberate desire to hurt or kill, out of control or irrational.
Children feel:
Frightened, trapped and helpless.
BEHAVIOR:
May watch helplessly, hide or attempt to stop fighting, may attempt to help woman or
may join in beating her.
Phase Three: Kind and loving:
Woman feels:
Relieved, angry over incident, guilty or hopeful.
BEHAVIOR:
Offers excuses for batterer, talks, tries to settle, solve or prevent future incidents,
hopes and believes change will last.
Partner feels:
Apologetic, remorseful, forgetful about degree of violence, self-righteous or
unable to understand why woman is still angry.
BEHAVIOR:
Try to please, distract self to forget, stress behaviors: nervousness or tics.
24-hour Domestic violence Hotline: 815.962.6102 | Assistance with Orders of Protection and Legal Advocacy
815.516.2440
