Characteristics of an Abuser

People who become abusive towards their partners do so for a variety of reasons. Profiling an abuser is not an easy task because every person has a different past, belief system and set of values. What may be true for one abuser will not be true for another. However, there are many characteristics that are shared by most abusers. The following lists are some of the more frequently shared traits that abusers may use in an attempt to gain power and control over an intimate partner.

The abuser may likely exhibit the following behaviors. He or she might:

• Have an explosive temper allowing anger to become out-of-control
• Sulk or blame his / her partner when angry
• Break or throw things when angry
• Lose his / her temper when things do not go his/her way
• Have acute reactions to stress
• Often use alcohol, drugs and abusive behavior to cope with problems
• Have dual personalities; presents the “perfect family” in public

The abuser might have low or grandiose self-esteem. He or she might:

• Criticize his / her partner and use put downs often
• Blame other people or society for any problems
• Lack respect for other people
• Have difficulty admitting need for his/ her partner
• Have resentment for needing his / her partner
• Believe he / she is unlovable
• Believe he / she is in control of his / her life
• Have sense of worthlessness and failure

The abuser may exhibit extreme jealousy. He or she might:

• Attempt to isolate his / her partner form family or friends
• Be overly protective
• Attempt to control his / her partner’s behavior
• Constantly assume his / her partner is cheating
• Constantly “check up” on his / her partner